Bob and the Very Rainy Day

NB Bob is lovelilicious but has his own idiosyncratic way of speakaling. It is infectious. All spelling mistooks are his fault, not that of the author. EM x

Bob decided that it was going to be one of those dumbtwiddling days. He looked out of his window in his home at the base of an ancient hollowed out oak tree, and all he could see was big wetty gobbley droppers pourling down and making hugelymungiously soggy puddly muddles on the ground. On dumbtwiddling days like this, he knew there was only one thing that you could do. Sit in front of a warm fire with a hot chocolate, marshilymallowsqueezies and cake, and thunkle up stories. The problem today was that it was so cold and miseryshiverable that it was making him hard of thunking and coming up with a story of his own was making his brainynoggin do hurting.

When this kind of thing happened, and when you are a little acorn of huge lovelybugness, but little brainynoggin, it is good to look for help. So Bob did just that. He went to his shelf of huge books for little hands and took one that he loved the most. It said GRIMM TALES on the front cover, and Bob knew why it said that, because most of the tales were quite grim. Sitting by the cosy fire, but not too close, as Bob is wood mostly after all, he read for a little while, before he found his head doing nodding and dreaming…

Bob’s Grim Dream

Once upon a timey-wimey, there was a brave little acorn called Bob. He lived in a biggle huge castle with a wickedly beautilicious step-Queen, Nepetitious, and her two mugly pine-conely sons, Stinky and Squashy. They were all mega mean to Bob and made him do all their homework and never let him eat cake, not even on Sundays or chocolate Fridays. Bob was sadly thunking, but not miserigrumpilicious, because he could never be that.

One day there was an announcement from a neighbouring land that the Very Lovely Princess Anna was to be wed to a handsome Prince, Arthur, and become King and Queen, there and then. There was going to be hugelymungous party and everyone for miles and miles and lands and lands around was invited. Best of all, Monsieur Fancy Cakes Kipplestocke was going to be making the cake. This made Bob VERY happy and excited, and he couldn’t wait to go. Bob made specially gorgeous cake gobbling-up and smartling looking outfits for him and his family. But then… OH NO! That mean lot took all their clothes, and left him in a high tower with no door and only one window so high, high, high up his brainynoggin went squirrly and his tummy went flippy floppy, wibbly wobbly when he looked out of it.

Poor Bob. He sat alone in his scary tower and started to cry. For the first time ever, he really did feel miserilicious and he didn’t like it one bit. To cheer himself up, he started to sing a little song, a song that he’d always loved, perhaps you know it…but I don’t. And when I asked him, he couldn’t remember, so I can’t tell you now. He danced and he sang, and it worked! He was soon much happier.

And then something miraculicious happenated. Outside there was a shuffling and bumping and moaning and arguing noise. Bob felt brave, and stuck his little head out of the window. He couldn’t believe what he saw. Seven little acorns, just like him, were climbing up a ladder! They were soon in the tower with him. They explainated that they had been given the job of seeking those in trouble by an old, old man with reindeer long, long ago, and when they had heard Bob’s singing they thought there was someone in a lot of painisufferin’. Bob was a bit upset that his singing must’ve sounded that bad but was happy that they were rescuing him. They asked him what he was doing there and they were sad and angry about what happenated to him, and wanted to get revenge on the evil step-family of pine-cones. One of them, who was known for extree goodly thunking, smiled a special smile and told them all that she had a plan, and not to worry, it was all sorted.

Bob’s new friends were excited about the party at the palace when he told them about it, and they realised that if they rushied up ver fastibuckles they’d still make it in time for the cake. The seven little acorns helped Bob down the ladder and on to their little horses and they raced to the party on the other side of Blue Shimmer Lake.

Arriving at the woods, just outside the palace, the acorns changed into their best party outfits and went into the palace and looked very handsome and beautiful. They were very relieved to find out that they hadn’t missed the cake and dancing, but had missed the singing (Bob was confused about why they were relieved about that, but guessed they had their reasons).

Bob was just about to have a big bite of delicious Malteasers chocolate wedding cake, when out of the corner of his eye he saw his evil step family approaching… His little legs started to tremble with fear, his hands started to shake so much that he nearly dropped his dessert fork, and tears sprang to his eyes. Then his rescuing acorns’ plan swung into action. They encircled the evil family and presented them with a beautiful spinning wheel, dancing around and saying things like it was magic and if they didn’t take it, they’d regret it and it was special and fabulous, and so on. His evil family were greedy for money and magic, and very, very silly, so they snatched the spinning wheel, but as soon as they did, they fell to the floor. It was magic. It was enchanted with a spell that made anyone unkind and selfish go to sleep for one hundred years and dream about yukky things like really hard maths homework the whole time.

The Very Lovely Queen Anna and the Handsome King Arthur came over to see what all the fuss was about and when they heard Bob explainate everything that had happenated to him, they fell in love with him. They ordered that his evil family to be taken to a dark and dank dungeon to sleep for their hundred years with a sign outside saying ‘no kissing allowed’, just in case anyone was tempted to wake them up early. Bob stayed with the Very Lovely Queen and Handsome King Arthur, and they all lived happily ever after.

Bob woke up, stretched and had a sip from his hot chocolate, and was happy that it was still warm. Outside, the rain had stopped a little and a beautiful rainbow was stretching out of the woods into the sky, carrying dreams and light into the sky. Rainy days aren’t so miserilicious, thought Bob.

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